mail and all that jazz

This summer, and last summer, I applied to California State Summer School for the Arts, and yesterday I got the confirmation notice that they had indeed received my application, completed to the T. Nice. Last year, they blatantly and rudely rejected me. With a small envelope. So, after that happened, I applied to the summer program at SFAI, and had a lot of fun in the arts department... Not so much in the social department. I'm far too shy, I need to work on that... This year, I applied to two programs, CSSSA being one of them, and the other one being CCA (California College of Art). I would MUCH rather go to CCA, but I suppose we'll have to see about scholarships and all that good stuff... I think I'm probably going to end up going to whichever one is cheaper, unless they're both within financial range. I don't know yet if I've gotten into either one, though, so we'll see..........

My little a's look like anything but little a's. I thought one I had written looked like an 's' just now...

Speaking of shyness. I have no friends where I live. That's not true, I do, but not one's I can hang out with on a regular basis... All my tried-and-true friends exist 200 miles away, so I have an amazing social life, but it's completely inconsistent. My time is divided between a computer, school work, and Santa Cruz, California. The last couple parts aren't so bad, but fuck, I'd like a reason to leave the house that isn't so fucking far away... I think I've made a sort-of friend with someone, but I have yet to meet him in person. He seems so cool, and I'd love to hang out with him, but my fear of rejection or eventual rejection always pops up and tells me not to bother... I swear, all but about eight people hated my guts at SFAI... That might not have been true, but that's what my subconscious tells me. I don't think I should listen, but damn, some of the looks those people gave me... And I got like, what, 4 hugs when I left? After spending over a month with the same fucking people?

....Yeah, it's definitely something I need to work on.